2011 - the year of cutting loose.

Well, I'm sitting here in a hostel in Malaysia, after having a lovely Afternoon Tea at Harrods, and contemplating this assignment that I really need to get finished.

What better time to reflect on the year? After all, there's only a little over six hours left in it.

For me, 2011 has been the year of cutting loose.

One year ago, I quit my job, upon the realisation that it wasn't something that I wanted to tie myself to for the foreseeable future. Not necessarily because I felt entitled to something "better", but rather that I hadn't given myself enough options.

I spent the year floating about a couple of jobs, still building my experience through a few projects, but not committing to anything permanent.

And, of course, I've gotten a few more stamps in my passport, from Samoa, Malaysia, Japan, and Singapore.

I also took a break from writing, which feels like a mistake in hindsight, but at the same time, I never felt the compulsion like I used to. But that's okay. There's nothing like forcing a habit to create an anathema.

Living in Japan has also been an experience. It's been a challenge, absolutely, but a good one. It's taught me a lot about personal limitations, in a similar-but-different way to my time living in Darwin. It's made me realise how valuable certain things are in my life. Things like friendships, language, stories, and being part of a creative community. These are the things that I find beautiful and invigorating, and I need to seek them out where I can.

And everything else? I've realised that every moment isn't necessarily as critical as I once thought. You never really burn bridges, and whilst I'm taking time out doing other things, I'm going to come back to an industry/world one year later, where people are still basically doing the same thing that they were doing when I left. That kind of thing isn't for me. Then again, neither is coasting through life on a whim of wanderlust.

So, what does 2012 hold? Something very different. I already have very specific ideas of what I want to do next year, but I'm afraid to immortalise them in blog-form, lest I jinx myself. But unlike 2011, there will be no more throwing caution to the wind. 2012 will be about making plans, making commitments, and getting real again.

See you next year.

Merry Christmas!

We're in Singapore! We've been enjoying the festive season in the balmy tropics of the Straights Settlements, and it's been wonderful. Videos to follow soon.

In the meantime, here's some footage of winter illumination around Japan. The first is from last week's trip to the Arashiyama Hanatouro - a winter illumination festival in Kyoto. The second is of the illumination on the shores of Lake Hiraike near my house.

Happy holidays!

100 days in Japan

So, this week marked 100 days in Japan. It's been something of a tumultuous week, with some disappointing news on a number of fronts, of which I won't go into.

The hardest part about living here has been the uncertainty about the future. A part of me still clings to my past professional life, unwilling to let go, and be happy with living in a place where I don't have the obligation to function in society on a professional level - or even to a capacity where I am valued as somebody with professional skills. My only unique talent here is my ability to speak English, and without fluency in Japanese, my capacity to utilise that talent is severely impaired.

And yet, I feel compelled to at least try to be satisfied with what I have in front of me. Just chill the hell out, and simply be. Stop trying to analyse the problems of the world. Stop feeling futile in the face of them.

My life's prospects aren't going to go down the tube, simply because I didn't work for a year. I need to stop acting like they will, and I need to get over myself.

(But it's hard. It feels like giving up.)

Kobe Luminarie

This evening I visited Kobe for the Kobe Luminarie - a light festival that is held every December for about 2 weeks, to commemorate the great earthquake of 1995. The lights were donated by the Italian government, and are turned on for a couple of hours every evening during the festival.

It was absolutely enormous. They close down city blocks to accommodate the crowds - at least tens of thousands, and that was just in the one evening! Once the lights go on, the crowd slowly moves down the street, under ornate illuminated arches, leading to the Kobe Earthquake Memorial Park, where there are other illuminated structures.

Along with my Koyasan visit, this has been the most stunning event I have been to in Japan so far.

Movember 2011

So, November came and went, and with it came the opportunity to grow questionable facial hair, whilst remaining suitable for social outings. Here is a progressive video of my mo for the month.

The big question - do I keep it? Do I grow it more? Or do I purge my face of its follicle growth?

Kansai Culture Day weekend

So, last weekend, Kansai celebrated Culture Day by having a weekend of free museums. Here is one of them:

Taking up the whole eighth floor of the building was a entire recreated village of the Edo Period. Impressive, yes? And then, on the floor below, were many displays of intricate models recreating scenes of Osaka in the early 20th century.

After that, we finally took a trip on the HEP 5 Ferris Wheel. The view was spectacular, and it also had an iPod dock to play your own music in the capsule. It's little things like that that make the experience a little more special. :)

Fear of Dancing

Preamble: I've noticed that this blog has thus far been dominated by my travel videos. I've also been reading a number of swing dancing blogs, so I thought that I'd try my hand at a dancing-related blog-post...

When I was in high school, I had a morbid fear of dancing. I still remember being at the MLC formal in 1996, girls attempting to coax me onto the dance floor, and I'd sit on the sidelines shaking my head furiously. Even when everybody was moshing to the Smashing Pumpkins, and pelvic-thrusting to the Grease Megamix.

Fear is the best way of describing it. Performance anxiety is another. I didn't know the rules. What if I didn't do it right, and looked like an idiot? I wouldn't know where to start.

In hindsight, I wish somebody had explained to me that nobody on the dance floor cared about any of that, and that I should get over myself. I eventually realised this, about the same time that I started going to goth nightclubs, and started dancing like I was practicing martial arts to the soundtrack of The Cure, Depeche Mode, and The Prodigy. The dance floor at Abyss nightclub was my dojo.

Flashforward ten years - to 18 months ago. I start dating a swing dancer. Every few weeks, she was off to an exchange, and I figured that, it being something that she was keen on, that I would learn to swing dance. In secret. I figured that, in a month or two, I'd learn enough to be able to sweep her off her feet, Frankie Manning aerial style.

Firstly, the "learning in secret" thing didn't exactly work - I seriously underestimated the incestuous nature of the swing dancing scene, and after a few near-misses (i.e. "No, I've never met her before. Especially not at a dancing class"), I 'fessed up.

Secondly, whilst I was nailing the moves in class, with the teachers calling out the moves, social dancing was a completely different story. I remember my first social dance. I walked into the room, with my repertoire of six-beat tuck-turns and pass-bys, and it was the MLC formal all over again. With me sitting on the sidelines, shaking my head whenever somebody asked for a dance. Occasionally, I'd be brave enough, and those three-and-a-half minutes would last forever, perpetually worried that this girl would hate me for my bad dancing.

The thing is this - when you're a lead, you need to dance for two people. Not only did I have to look good, but I also had to make my follow look good by leading her well. It was just "too scary" - what if I screwed up? The crazy thing is that I wasn't scared of performing. Here's a video of me at the performance ball in October last year. (In the front right)

I wasn't social dancing then.

It took me a good six months until I became brave enough to social dance "properly". Learning 8-beat helped a lot.

However, the fear has still been there for the year that has transpired since then. The Fear of Dancing has mutated into a subset - Fear of Dancing with People who are Really Good. (I also have a Fear of Blues Dancing, but I'll blog about that another time.)

And the most terrifying of all - being asked to dance by a teacher.

Moving to Japan has helped me face my fears somewhat. It helps that I really don't know what level a lot of dancers are at. It helps that I'm now dancing in a social dancing scene that isn't dominated by a skill-based hierarchy (which was the case in Melbourne) with teachers at the top, then the various troupes, then "mid-stream" students, then beginners.

However, being a traveller, I feel like I'm finally free from the fear. I can just get on with enjoying the dance, without worrying about whether my follow will be underwhelmed by my leading.

At least, so I thought, until this week, with a visit to Osaka by amazing guest teachers Patrick and Natasha. I loved the friendliness and enthusiasm with which they embraced the scene, and danced with everybody... that is, until it was my turn again!

And the fear struck, once again! Of course, I accepted the dance, but I was too preoccupied with rising panic to really enjoy it. Will I ever be free?

Finally, a similar concern is how I'll feel if/when I return to the Melbourne scene. All my peeps that I started out with will have blossomed into troupe members, whilst my skills will have atrophied through months of travel, devoid of dancing. They will have evolved into the dreaded subset of my dance-a-phobia.

I may never dance again.

Then again, maybe I'm over-thinking the whole thing. After all, it's just dancing, right?