One month from now, I'll be living in Japan. As my imminent departure looms, I keep asking myself "What the fuck am I doing?" (or WTFAID?) Unlike S, I don't have anybody to chaperone me on my flight, organise my official documents, brief me on what to expect once I get to Japan, and, most significantly, I don't have any predetermined livelihood set out for me. No job, no support group, essentially - no purpose for my presence there.
And I ask myself again - WTFAID?
But, there is a far worse question I could be asking myself. Like "Why the fuck am I still here?" (or WTFAISH?)
The way I see it, there are three possible situations:
1. We're doing the things what we want to be doing with our life.
2. We're not doing the things that we want to be doing with our life.
3. We're not quite sure what we're doing with our life.
1 is the ideal situation. 2 is the soul-destroying situation. 3 is... well... confusing.
It's confusing, because when you know what you want to do with your life, then trying new and uncharted territory seems like the worst possible idea. Especially when we live in a society where we're encouraged to work hard in situation 2, keep our head down, do the hard yards, and one day all that hard work will pay off and we'll end up in situation 3.
But maybe we won't. Maybe we'll be just as frustrated in twenty years time.
Situation 3, on the other hand, offers no guarantees, but at the same time there will always be surprises. And some of them well be pleasurable, life-affirming surprises.
And so, I've resolved to embrace my fate, moving away from the library world. I need to let go of all the career-planning advice I've been given over the last five years because, as great as they've been in theory, they've just taught me that being determined and driven only leads to frustration.
Instead, I'm resolving to follow where the adventure takes me. I need to focus more on my experience, and do the things I want to do, rather than focus on the industry and try to bend it to meet my job satisfaction needs. Take advantages to be creative in new and innovative ways, and see where that leads me.
After all, I can't expect the world to change for my sake. I can only hope to change for the world's sake, and contribute where I can doing what I do best.