Friday, December 16, 2011

100 days in Japan

So, this week marked 100 days in Japan. It's been something of a tumultuous week, with some disappointing news on a number of fronts, of which I won't go into.

The hardest part about living here has been the uncertainty about the future. A part of me still clings to my past professional life, unwilling to let go, and be happy with living in a place where I don't have the obligation to function in society on a professional level - or even to a capacity where I am valued as somebody with professional skills. My only unique talent here is my ability to speak English, and without fluency in Japanese, my capacity to utilise that talent is severely impaired.

And yet, I feel compelled to at least try to be satisfied with what I have in front of me. Just chill the hell out, and simply be. Stop trying to analyse the problems of the world. Stop feeling futile in the face of them.

My life's prospects aren't going to go down the tube, simply because I didn't work for a year. I need to stop acting like they will, and I need to get over myself.

(But it's hard. It feels like giving up.)